365 days later...

Wow this is crazy. I literally started this blog an entire year ago. Man has this been one hell of a year. Coming out. Dating my girlfriend and now being broken up and attempting to be some skewed version of friends. Planning my life in Europe. Having one of my best friends mom pass away. Learning to be alone and be okay with it. Getting my beautiful little kitten. Working so hard to keep myself on track. Still figuring out life. Trying to get back into music. And trying to find a niche for myself in this big old world. I came across a quote today that I found extremely relevant to my life at the moment. " Life is like riding a bicycle, the only way to keep your balance is to keep moving." Keep on moving guys. Never look back. Peace out.

This is my life...

Oh man do I have some things to share with you guys. So here it goes. Thursday during the day I had work and blah blah blah and after work while I was talking to some friends we decided we were going to go out. It was the first week of school and we all wanted to go out to this bar right by my school. It was newly reopened and they happen to have an incredible ten dollar all you can drink deal. Which is a challenge I accepted. So we're planning on going there and I come to find out my ex-boyfriend ( to clear up any confusion I am gay and out but this was the one and only guy I ever dated ) so anyway we found out he was going to be there too. Which is incredibly awkward simply because he hasn't spoken to me since I ended things with him, which was over a year ago, and we run in similar circles of friends. Moving on...obviously that wasn't going to stop me from going out so we're at the bar and the liquor is flowinnn. Next thing I know this kid, who I thought despised me, is hugging me and telling me he's so sorry for being an asshole and making things so awkward. You can only imagine my shock! So I'm thinking okay well now we can at least be civil and things won't be awkward. Well it was fine until he decided it would be a good idea for him to tell me, and I quote "despite everything that's happened between us I still think you're the most beautiful girl in the world" ugh I can almost hear the collective "awwww" that I'm sure has came out of a few of your mouths. Well I agree and can say that it was a very sweet thing to say but...not anything I wanted to hear out of his mouth. Would I like to hear that out of the woman that I love mouth...yes. His? Not so much. It just threw me for a loop and especially while you're drinking..not a good situation to be in. So that was weird. And on Friday I go out to another bar and see him yet again although we were more "buddies" on Friday night which was good. And on saturday I go to a friends hurricane party and he is there yet again. This is my life. If you could make some sense of it please go right ahead. Well that's all I have for you guys today. Peace out.

hopeful....

Hey all its been a while! Well school has resumed and with that comes work as well. I work at the jamba juice on my university's campus. I'm not going to lie, I have kind of missed working. Sometimes its a pain but for the most part I work with an awesome group of girls and I really missed them. Also I think I've decided to change my major. I know I know....yet again. But I never officially changed it to resort and hospitality management. So my new major is....(drum roll please ) sociology with a minor in gender studies. Yay for gay friendly majors! So that's that. Also exciting! One of my best friends is going to London for an internship in a couple of days and I fully intend to visit her while she's there so that will be really fun! The week is almost over thankfully. So life is pretty good so far. Two of my best friends came back to school after being in Spain for 8 months! I'm so happy to have them back. Also I think I decided this morning I give up on dating. Too risky. Too complicated. No thanks. All I need are my family, best friends, my cat and my passport. Anyways...gotta go. Time to clock in. Meh...I'd rather be at the beach. But let's be positive! Alright. Peace out!

People are pretty serious about their fried chicken!

Okay can we just discuss the ENORMOUS debate that has started due to the fact that Chick-Fil-A came out against homosexuals. Like holy shit are people getting pissed. The ironic part is that the dumb-ass Conservative Republicans feel the need to protect this company.Okay I get it...they were started by Christians and have a Christian CEO and Christians don't really...favor the gays...to put it lightly. And honestly everyone is entitled to their opinions. The real problem is that Chick-Fil-A is taking millions of dollars that they make each year and donating it to anti-gay organizations such as The WinShape Foundation, Exodus International and Family Research Council. The Exodus International website poses the question 
 "Will you help us to bring a message of Biblical truth and Christ-like compassion to a world impacted by homosexuality?" 


Um let me think about that...no thanks. And also how about this little gem from the Family Research Council...


"Family Research Council believes that homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large, and can never be affirmed.  It is by definition unnatural, and as such is associated with negative physical and psychological health effects."

Okay...first of all a lot of what we do now is "unnatural" I'm assuming none of these people who work for the Family Research Council (FRC) take or use any form of birth control...because guess what?! That's unnatural. Also it has negative physical and psychological health effects? Really? Because I'm pretty sure the electro-shock therapy and "straight camps" which are both used to "change" someone from gay to straight have worse psychological effects that actually being gay. Also the term psychological health effects doesn't make fucking sense. Not that anything on their entire website makes any sense. So that's nice... Okay so they also have a link to a pamphlet you can buy called "The Top Ten Harms of Same Sex Marriage" Let me just give that a chance to sink in...One of their reasons is that we would be able to put our partners as dependents on our taxes. The argument they use to support that is when the tax code was written dependents were only intended to be children and stay at home mothers. So...if you don't fit into either of those categories you're shit out of luck. It makes perfect sense to abide to these guidelines that were written who knows when instead of growing and adapting as a society. Right.... So that's may take on the Chick-Fil-A business...ignorant and useless. AND their food isn't that good and horrible for you. So basically they can suck a fat one for all I care...

Peace out 

Can I just share this with you guys please....

Okay....I'm sure everyone has heard the expression "being a third wheel" Well I completely experienced that last night. And its even funnier because it wasn't like the two people I was with were making me feel awkward I was kind of doing it to myself. So basically its my roommate and this guy she's kind of dating/talking to...well yeah he came over to our apartment. I've meant him...I don't know...maybe twice. Okay so he comes over and just sits on the couch and doesn't really say much. My roomie is trying to make conversation etc and I tried a bit too but he just kinda responds to her. So I give up and decided to just dive head first into my awkwardness. It just comes so naturally to me and I kind of love it. So I'm standing in the kitchen and I start chomping away on half of a raw green pepper. Mind you I didn't start doing this to be really weird but I realized after a couple of "what the fuck are you doing" glares from my roommate that I was being kind of weird. But its fine...I embrace it. Oh and I also shared with them both that raw peppers are like "nature's toothbrush". Yep. Not that that wasn't enough I decided I'm going to make kale chips...its like 10:30 at night at this point. Oh! and also, totally forgot to share this, we happen to be watching mean girls...yes. Mean Girls. You read that right. After I make the kale chips I offer him some, not wanting to be rude of course. He hates them...naturally. Shortly after I retreated to my bedroom to watch youtube videos on this girls' vlog who I now decided is my future wife. So I think I succeeded in making that sufficiently awkward. So now this kid think I'm a weird vegetarian hippie who also happens to be a homo...I mean if that doesn't sum me up as a person I don't know what does. Hope you enjoyed that! Peace out cub scouts. Actually side note...not gonna say cub scouts anymore because apparently they happen to be homophobic pricks. So....just peace out.

Back again!

Here I am in case anyone missed me! Well I have some exciting news. I've started another blog with my best friend and fellow blogger. Check it out sometime! Here's the URL http://theapertureofwords.blogspot.com/
 Remember friends...don't chase anything but drinks and dreams. Words to live by.
Peace out cub scouts

Here we go again...

Back to the blogging now, specifically because I have some venting to do. Okay lets see...what has been going on since I last posted. Well one big thing that happened is I finally ( after so long of saying I would do it ) came out to my mom. It was wayyy over due and absolutely necessary as far as I was concerned. I decided the best and easiest way for me to do it was to write her a letter. And it worked pretty well. She got it in the mail and read it and basically told me she had a feeling about it for a while and she totally accepts me and so on. I had a feeling it wasn't going to go down that easy and of course it hasn't. Its still something I think she struggles with and I feel like she is telling herself its just a passing phase and honestly if that is how she chooses to cope with it then fine. I'm realizing as I get older I can't let everything my mom says to me or thinks about me affect me everyday life. She's doing what she needs to do to keep herself happy and I need to do the same. Obviously I love her very much and I want her to accept me but I can't force the issue. She has to come to terms with it at her own time and as for me...I'm just living life. On a more positive note...I'm going to start volunteering at this place called Visuality and its the first LGBTQ center in Southwest Florida. So I'm super psyched about that. We had to go through a five hour training session which was pretty intense. Basically my role is to be there for the kids if they want to talk about anything or any problems they're having. We had to learn how to actively listen and we had to learn what steps we need to take in case any of the kids threaten to commit suicide which I hope I won't have to deal with! It's just scary to think about a kid between the ages of 13-17 thinking of committing suicide but unfortunately in our community its becoming a more common issue.So I'm hoping this Visuality thing will be a positive experience which I don't see why it wouldn't be. I think its really important to give back to the community and especially our youth. Also might be getting a job at Whole Foods which is amazing because who doesn't  LOVE Whole Foods. So I hope my summer is full of working and meeting really great people through Visuality and hopefully helping one or two people along the way. As for my mom, I can't do anything about that. I think the potential repercussions of coming out are starting to hit me. Not that I regret it at all because I absolutely don't. But I'm starting to realize sexuality, which is just one tiny aspect of what makes up a person, hold a lot more weight as far as they way people judge you or perceive you. Call me naive or silly or whatever you want but I honestly think that being gay, lesbian, bi, straight, trans, pans or anything else is really not a big deal! I have a good friend who came out as bi-sexual when we were 14 and when we were 16 came out as a gay man and now she's transgendered male to female. Throughout this whole process I didn't even bat an eyelash. I mean who cares as long as you're happy! I honestly believe we don't have much control over things that we want to have control over but the one thing that is 100% in our control is our happiness. And I would never have the audacity to try and take someone's happiness away. I wish more people would understand that. Anyways thanks for reading my long ass post.
Peace out cub scouts

Here's a beautiful picture for you guys to enjoy! I love it! Nothing like the beach.

Back again...here I am!

I know it's been a while. I really need to devote more time to this. I swear I can get distracted by anything. Okay this time ( I really mean it this time ) I'm going to try and update more regularly. Hmm let's think if there's anything exciting going on in my life. Thinking...thinking...nope not getting anything at all. Well I did see The Hunger Games. And no before you get all judgmental I'm not one of those "bandwagon fans" that haven't even read the books. But if I was who are you to judge?! Moving on...that movie was amazing. I'm a huge fan of the books and I honestly think they did an incredible job sticking to the book without dragging out the movie for hours on end. So all in all I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Let's see...what else...oh well this Friday my school is putting on the Vagina Monologues ( if you haven't heard of it look it up, its awesome ) and I will be going to that with my lady. Super excited for that. I also decided it would be a great idea to look up trips to Europe that i can't afford to torture myself. I found the perfect trip. 35 days. 15 cities. 7 countries. Absolute perfection. I forgot to mention its $5,550...but I will make this happen within the next year or so. And I shall blog about my European adventures. Two of my best friends are currently studying abroad in Barcelona and I'm so jealous. So bottom line I need to get to Europe somehow. Soon. That's all for now. I'll write more often.
Peace out cub scouts 

ugh I need to get my shit together

My last post was a bit ago. Let's see what's changed...uhh nothing. Nope still have yet to tell my parents. When I say parents I obviously mean my mom and dad as well as my new step dad (2nd one haha) but he's amazing and we all love him and my step mom as well (she's interesting to say the least). But the most important person is my mom. She came to visit this weekend with my sister and step dad. We all had an amazing time but the whole gay thing was kind of the elephant in the room. They have no idea but my friends up here all know as well as my best friends who are semi-scattered around the state at different universities. Oh and not to mention the girl I'm seeing...she's my roommate. Yes ladies and gentlemen...this is my life. Welcome. Please stay a while. So basically the cat needs to be let out of the bag. And soon. All its doing is stressing me out (because I'm very close to my mom and I feel like I'm living two different lives) and its hurting my girlfriend. Even though she is very supportive and lets me know that I can totally take my time and tell my parents at my discretion I feel it still stings a bit to see the woman you care about having to hide your valentine's day present. Shitty I know...so I just have to bite the bullet. But I don't know how to go about it. Maybe a letter? Its just I feel I can get my feelings out better on paper. Even though it doesn't necessarily need to be a long, drawn out issue. There really isn't much to discuss. Its kinda like this is the way I am and if you don't like it then that's pretty much it isn't it? I know I know its not going to be that simple. Just let me live in this delusion for the time being. Its the only way I can deal right now. Alright I'll keep you guys updated! Peace out cub scouts!

annnd I'm back!

Hello cyberspace! I am back again. I'm going to actually make an effort to blog more...it's not that I don't have anything to blog about...trust me I have tons. I just have to find time is all. So let's see what has happened since our last chat...nothing to exciting I don't think. Work is pretty shitty per usual. Trying to figure out my life...I haven't come up with much so if anyone has any ideas just toss 'em my way. I'm currently sitting on my balcony in the 80 degree weather of sunny South Florida. Ahhh a Floridian February...doesn't get much better than this. Add a little mix of music on 8 tracks featuring The Kooks, Foster the People Modest Mouse, MGMT, and Tegan and Sara and its pretty much bliss. Hmmm...let's see what else. Oh! Wiz Khalifa is coming to perform at my university in April so I'm pretty psyched for that. Uhh...turned 22 this January...not really an exciting age but a definite excuse to go out and get extremely inebriated not that I need a reasonable excuse anyway. Alsooo I've had a new lady in my life for a couple months. Getting kind of serious now...so we all know what that means. Time to tell my parents...haha ahh that should be interesting. I don't think they'll react negatively but it's nerve-wracking nonetheless. But I will definitely keep you guys updated as to how that goes! Alright that's all for now. Peace out cubscouts!

Why am I not surprised?

Hello again cyberspace. Its been a while. I feel like I haven't had anything interesting to update everyone on so I've been laying low for a while. But not to worry! I have A LOT to talk about in this post. First off...lets talk about Thanksgiving. This year I went to Ohio to visit some family. I love my family but...well lets just say we don't necessarily agree on most things. My aunt and uncle live in Ohio and unlike the rest of my family they happen to be very religious. Which is totally fine. Whatever makes them happy as long as they don't push their beliefs on me right? Right. Well unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Most things they say/believe I can let roll off my back but...and I know I feel like I talk about this in every post...but my aunt rampaged about the "gay agenda". Let me just allow that to soak in for a moment. And to any gay people who are reading this right now...well I don't know if you got the memo but apparently there is an agenda out there. So you might want to get on top of that because clearly there are things you should be doing. So...moving on...let me describe this so called "agenda" to you. Apparently the gay community (particularly gay college students) are attempting to "criminalize" Christianity. Yes. I don't even think I have to say much else. And this is all according to a Christian magazine...can you imagine that?! A Christian magazine is accusing the gay community of targeting them in a negative way...much like Christians do to the gay community. Sooo...yeah. Lets just say I've never evacuated an area so quickly. I didn't trust myself to sit there and listen to her without flipping a shit and I decided the fight wasn't worth it, especially me staying in their house for a week. So I took some deep breaths and attempted to let  it go but after this rampage I can tell I clearly haven't.